Angry - Mad at the World

Just like this snow figure in an office window,
we wish for something desperately.



We get angry in some moments in our lives. Maybe some are always angry in all of their moments in their lives. Being angry doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you have pushed aside all your purposes in this world. Being angry is actually caring. You are angry because you are conscious of something which doesn't serve you well. It can be a pain in the ass but it is also a good motivation to accomplish something but most of the time it is a bad revenue for success. It has like 1% chance of success compared to other motivations.

When you are mad, you need to listen. Listen to your angry heart and it will tell you something. It will tell you how bitter you have been on something or someone. It may be a whisper of reconciliation with the past things you have left behind or it may be a shout of desperation of love and care with your current things. It may tell you a lot of things and you have to listen to it. You have to see the source of this emotion to free yourself with its bone crushing rush of hormones and agony.

I personally had been angry from time to time but it had always brought me pain and unpleasantness. I realized it was not cool bringing anger within myself. But sometimes I choose anger to be with me. It was for a motivation to get what I wanted. To get what I wished for. It is strange how we talk about being rational and "in sense" which eventually crumbles away when we decide things based on our basic instincts, our emotions.

"God, I hate this life"

This is how I ended last time. 

I was angry at my life.
I was desperate for a recovery.
I was in need of love and care.
Maybe I wasn't respecting myself enough.

I turned off my television and went to take a bath.
I always thought of myself as kind and good to everyone.
I always gave people second chances when they needed one.
But why the hell didn't I stop her from leaving me?
Was it because I wasn't loving her enough?
Why was I so mad and angry with myself?

I never understood it.

I was reaching for my alarm clock again.
This time I was freakin' late! 
"!@#%$&#*"
I had to race to the shower and brush my teeth.
I had no time to comb my hair.
I messed up.

I ran out of my apartment.
Raced towards the bus stop.
I looked at my watch. I was never going to make it.
I hailed a cab out of desperation.
I was sweating badly.
The cab stopped in front of me and suddenly out of nowhere this woman rushed to get in the cab I hailed.
THE CAB I HAILED.

I waited for the bus.
I screamed inside the bus.
I did not scream literally in the bus, I screamed inside my head when I was in the bus.

Anyway, I made it to the academy half an hour late.
I ran to my class and they were gone.
They were gone except this one girl.

I was catching my breathe and I was confused why she was sitting there alone.
She smiled and waited for me to calm down.
I wasn't able to ask her why she was still there and I needed to compose myself.
I excused myself and went to the bathroom.
It was a mess.
The hair and the tie and the.. everything was a mess.

I did what I can do and went back to the classroom.
I went to my teaching table and I saw this ion drink in the table with a note,

"Thank you for yesterday"